Are You Living Vacation to Vacation on Vacation?
Four key principles to break the cycle
Have you ever booked your next vacation on the way home from your current one?
This is a very American thing to do.
I have done it. You?
What does this say about our lives? I wrote about living vacation to vacation a month ago. Today, I am going to take up our propensity to perpetuate living vacation to vacation by not restoring ourselves on vacation. Said differently, how can we vacation differently so that we can rest and recover to break this cycle?
In a culture that values hard work, accumulating career success, and projecting perfectly manicured vacations, finding rest and recovery can be elusive. I often hear people say that they find vacations hard. And, of course, there is the “I need a vacation from my vacation” joke that we chuckle at, but often hits too close to home.
Rest and recovery is a foundational part of being human. The body is designed to function with work, rest and sleep cycles. Many of the greatest athletes understand the importance of rest and recovery: Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt, Simone Biles, Lebron James, Katie Ledecky all have legendary rest and recovery routines to complement their intense training regime. Lebron James credits his longevity performing at the highest level in the NBA for 22 years to his rest and recovery routine. Here is a snippet of it.
Sleep Optimization: 8-9 hours of nightly sleep and incorporating naps during the day.
Nutrition: A diet focuses on clean eating, emphasizing high-carbohydrate, low-sugar meals while avoiding fried foods and artificial sweeteners.
Active Recovery: Incorporating low-impact activities like yoga, pilates, and pool exercises to maintain without putting excessive strain on his body.
Mental Recovery: Limits screen time and engage in activities that promote mental clarity and relaxation.
It makes sense with athletes as their performance relies on their bodies. But it also makes sense with leaders. Great sustained leadership requires a rested and recovered mind and body. You cannot be a high performing leader without being great at rest and recovery. Can you burn the candle at both ends for a few years? Yes. But, you can’t live that way long term without significant cost to relationships, family, and ultimately, work performance,
We need to have both regular routines and vacation routines that build rest and recovery. Vacation provides a chance to downshift our cognitive load, emotional energy and daily stress demands for a period of time. It can provide deep rest. However, like top performing athletes, the key is not just rest and recovery, it is the right kind of rest and recovery. You have to learn how to rest and recover as much as you learn how to lead.
I am not going to tell you how to plan your vacation. That is for you to decide as we all have different interests and ways we enjoy time off. I am going to share a few principles on how to think about rest and recovery on vacation. Here they are.
Stop
Rest vs. Indulgence
Being Present
Reflection
Stop: We often give away the chance to rest and recover believing one insidious little lie at the beginning of the vacation. “I am just going to do a little work in between the acts on vacation.” And while doing work on vacation sometimes is unavoidable or necessary, I have found the ability to truly STOP working is so important to finding complete rest and recovery. The illusion of a “little work here and there” on vacation has left me not rested and recovered. I found it takes 2-3 days to fully downshift from work into vacation mode. When the body and mind are used to living with full engagement, worrying, and strategizing about work, it takes an unwinding of tension and stress over days to reset. It is equal part not engaging in work and equal part being wholly inspired by relationships, beauty, ideas, and experiences absent of work. When I got to this place, my kids used to feel and experience me differently. I was in “vacation daddy mode.” It was a good thing. However, I found that it was very hard to get to this place unless I had completely stopped working.
I did have plenty of vacations where I got to vacation mode only to have a work crisis draw me back in. Once there, it took another 2-3 days to shift back into vacation mode again, sometimes too late.
To fully rest and recover, we must stop work on vacation.
Rest vs. Indulgence: Understanding the difference between rest and indulgence is key to recovery. Here is how Tyler Staton, Pastor at Bridgetown Church defines indulgence:
“Indulgence is an attempt to satisfy my soul’s cravings by what I can reach and grab for myself. It often overpromises and underdelivers.”
Indulgence is acting on our desire to curate the perfect dinner, stay in the perfect vacation hotel, or go to the top 3 local beaches. These can be great experiences and there is nothing wrong with a few indulgences. I enjoy a great meal or a beautiful hotel. However, often they don’t quite live up to the hype. Often there is a “work” aspect of this where we are trying to maximize the experience. In my case, I find myself trying to “win” on vacation and experiences, which is not restful. And, if the experience is not exquisite, somehow it falls short.
Rest, on the hand, is about relaxing and enjoying oneself. It often is the opposite of trying to maximize things. It is about finding joy, pleasure, and renewal in a vacation mode. Staton says this about rest.
“Rest does require planning and intention, but it can’t be grabbed, it only only can be received when you are given it.
The key word here is “grabbed.” Grabbed connotes the idea of maximization. You can plan experiences to create rest, but you have to be in a slower receiving posture to find the deep rest that is restorative in that experience. Often happening on that beautiful unexpected sunset on the beach when you decide to stop at the last minute for a walk is more restorative than the amazing dinner you booked at a restaurant 2 months ahead of time. This takes me to my next point.
Being Present: Here is the question that Staton asks us to consider?
What moments have you treasured most in your life in the last month and how many of them came as a result of the perfect execution of your plans?
It is fascinating to do this exercise. We were just visiting my son in San Francisco several weeks ago. We had some amazing meals that we planned and visited with family and friends - all so fun. However, two of the moments that I will always treasure were unplanned. First, taking our first Waymo “driver-less car” ride. It inspired un-ending curiosity, conversation, and imagination all weekend. Second, we decided to drop into a “game” cafe to play a game together on a windy Sunday afternoon. As it turns out, playing a game together was the perfect activity for the moment.
When you have stopped working, stop chasing every indulgence, and open yourself up to the present moment you are in, rest and recovery is accelerated by the magical moments that you are ready to receive in rest.
Reflection: We accelerate rest and recovery through reflection. When we appreciate and remember who we are when we are our true selves, we become more whole. Reflection on vacation can often veer into a hidden strategy session on work challenges waiting for us when we return. What if you use the increased margin to reflect on the good things, the qualities that make you your true self, the ways you can keep living these qualities back home? This reflection can help you consolidate and fortify your recovery to last past the plane trip home.
When I hire leaders, I always look for ones who understand the role of rest and recovery in their lives. Great leaders are great because they have done the work of learning how to rest and recover
Reflection of the Week: Are you living vacation to vacation on vacation? How do you find true rest and recovery on vacation?