How Do You Show Up: Here I am or You are There?
The way we enter a room says a lot about who we are and what we value most.
How you enter “a room” says a lot about who you are.
Who you are as a person.
Who you are as a leader.
What you value.
How you go about living and leading.
And, as you land on others, first impressions matter. How you enter a room is a first impression. In fact, how you enter a room is the most consistent way you make a first impression many times over every day of your life. Every time you do it, it is a new opportunity to make a first impression. It is a fresh start whether it is your first time meeting somebody, or your 100th time.
In simplest terms, you can enter a “room” carrying yourself in one of two ways (concept from Mark Batterson):
HERE I AM
or
YOU ARE THERE
First, a definition. “A room” in this context means a space that you enter where one or more people are. It could be one person in the space (a friend, a 1 on 1 meeting). Or, a room could constitute a social gathering, an office event, or walking on a stage to speak in front of 5,000 people.
So, what do I mean by showing up with the posture of HERE I AM or YOU ARE THERE.
HERE I AM: When we show up this way, we announce ourselves to the “room” with our body language, actions, and attitude. We cross the threshold sending the message that we have arrived. In subtle, and sometimes unintended ways, we communicate it is about our leadership, our ego, our ideas, and our presence in the room. Whatever was happening in the room before, now, needs to be re-oriented to a different orbit; ours. Charismatic leaders often enter rooms this way. Narcissistic leaders almost ALWAYS enter rooms this way.
One can do this intentionally or unintentionally. A posture, voice level, and looking past the first people with little eye contact to “scan” the room. How you begin to interact with people in the room as you enter. It is a seeking of the stage and the platform, not seeking connection with those in the room. It is to be seen by others, not see them. Certainly, there are “moments” where this kind of entrance can build a positive energy, particularly in large symbolic events. I would distinguish those from everyday entrances.
What can this mean about you and your leadership? Often, this means a focus on using authority to compel or “lead” people to do things. We can resort to this approach when we are feeling uncertain or not confident in ourselves and our leadership. Or, conversely, we are feeling too confident, have too high an opinion of ourselves and are focused on setting our own headlines.
Or, you can show up in the room this way:
THERE YOU ARE: When we show up in this way, we are “announcing” others in the room. We are focused on SEEING people, valuing others, and putting them on the stage, not ourselves. There is a humility, a sense of self-unimportance, and a sense that the work, the friendships, and the people in the room are more important than us.
Again, one can enter the room this way intentionally or unintentionally. Intentional efforts to do this include seeing people, making eye contact, saying hello to people by name, and encouraging whatever is happening in the room to continue. When we approach a room this way, we send a message of empowering others and help people see their gifts to make bigger contributions. We build deeper connections, personal and professional. We convey a feeling of team first and collective ownership.
A few additional thoughts on these two paradigms:
There are plenty of different, nuanced ways we can show up in a room, but I think we generally show up, more often than not, in one of these two ways.
There are times when “Here I am” leadership can be important. A crisis when people are looking for a leader to take charge and bring comfort. Or, in a moment of building enthusiasm for a cause, the energy of the leader can really matter.
You have to be comfortable in who you are to be a “There You Are” leader. You are confident enough as a leader to be ok with it not being about you. Knowing yourself and having a right size view of your ego is key to this mindset.
There are no shortcuts to “There You Are” Leadership – like using power and authority to compel people. Genuineness, authenticity and self-awareness are critical to being “There You Are” leaders.
Which way do you generally show up in a room? In your personal life? In your professional life?
I have certainly shown up in rooms both ways, many times, for good and not so good motives. In some ways, I think we are trained early on in our careers to be “ Here I am” leaders to establish ourselves. We are taught to lead with confidence and presence. I think we often overdo that approach to the point of feeding our ego, not serving as a leader.
The older I get, I increasingly see the value and genuineness of showing up in the posture of “There you are.” It reflects a desire to build the capacity of others. It equates more to Jim Collins’ Level 5 leadership paradigm. It is an approach for a longer view of organization and relational health. It is more consistent with who I want to become. I am growing in my skill and capacity to be a “There you are” leader.
Reflection of the Week: How do you enter “rooms” with friends and as a leader? Are there ways you want to grow in this area?
Thanks Kel!
Loved this, Bill.